// menu.js

function PrintMail(name) {
var tag1 = "mail";
var tag2 = "to:";
var email1 = (name);
var email2 = "gmail";
var email3 = ".com";
document.write("<p class=\"center\">" + "<A h" + "ref=" + tag1 + tag2 + email1 + "@" + email2 + email3 + ">" + "Email the Webmaster" + " <" + "\/A>" + "<" + "\/P>");
}

function PrintLast() {
var tag1 = "mail";
var tag2 = "to:";
var email1 = "pcfdp.main";
var email2 = "gmail";
var email3 = ".com";
document.write("<p><font color=\"orange\">Do you like what you see? Do you want to know when we have new content? Are you an Earth woman who just wants to write and cordially invite us to have sex with you? Then send an " + "<A h" + "ref=" + tag1 + tag2 + email1 + "@" + email2 + email3 + ">" + "e-mail" + "<" + "\/A> to us and get onto the Pool Cleaners from Distant Planets e-mail list. Special Bonus for mailing list members: we have a newsletter that is sent out when we update the site.  It includes news on upcoming material, our video projects and special content for our fans (both of them). Sign up now!" + "<\/font><" + "\/P>")
}

function PrintAd() {
picnum1=Math.floor(Math.random()*12)+1;
if (picnum1==1) {document.write("<h3><a href=\"error.html\" title=\"Law Offices of Sauron, Voldemort and Palpatine\"><img src=\"service\/lawyers.png\" height=80 width=800 alt=\"Ad: Law Offices of Sauron, Palpatine and Voldemort\"></a></h3>");}
else if (picnum1==2) {document.write("<h3><a href=\"error.html\" title=\"Tachyonline\"><img src=\"service\/FTL_ISP.png\" height=80 width=800 alt=\"Ad: Tachyonline\"></a></h3>");}
else if (picnum1==3) {document.write("<h3><a href=\"error.html\" title=\"Antarean Wormhole and Warp\"><img src=\"service\/longdistance.png\" height=80 width=800 alt=\"Ad: Antarean Wormhole and Warp\"></a></h3>");}
else if (picnum1==4) {document.write("<h3><a href=\"error.html\" title=\"Refinance Your Penis\"><img src=\"service\/refinance.png\" height=80 width=800 alt=\"Ad: Refinance Your Penis\"></a></h3>");}
else if (picnum1==5) {document.write("<h3><a href=\"herror.html\" title=\"Fantasy Sports\"><img src=\"service\/sports.png\" height=80 width=800 alt=\"Ad: Fantasy Sports\"></a></h3>");}
else if (picnum1==6) {document.write("<h3><a href=\"http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/\" title=\"Travel the Galaxy on Thirty Altairian Dollars a Day\"><img src=\"service\/travel.png\" height=80 width=800 alt=\"Ad: Travel the Galaxy on Thirty Altairian Dollars a Day\"></a></h3>");}
else if (picnum1==7) {document.write("<h3><a href=\"http://www2.warnerbros.com/babylon5/home.html\" title=\"Where Are You Going?\"><img src=\"service\/Minbari_ad.png\" height=80 width=800 alt=\"Ad: Where Are You Going?\"></a></h3>");}
else if (picnum1==8) {document.write("<h3><a href=\"http://www2.warnerbros.com/babylon5/home.html\" title=\"What Do You Want?\"><img src=\"service\/Shadow_ad.png\" height=80 width=800 alt=\"Ad: What Do You Want?\"></a></h3>");}
else if (picnum1==9) {document.write("<h3><a href=\"http://www2.warnerbros.com/babylon5/home.html\" title=\"Who Are You?\"><img src=\"service\/Vorlon_ad.png\" height=80 width=800 alt=\"Ad: Who Are You?\"></a></h3>");}
else if (picnum1==10) {document.write("<h3><a href=\"error.html\" title=\"Online Gambling\"><img src=\"service\/gambling.png\" height=80 width=800 alt=\"Ad: Online Gambling\"></a></h3>");}
else if (picnum1==11) {document.write("<h3><a href=\"error.html\" title=\"Relocating Interstellar Space Exiles\"><img src=\"service\/RISE.png\" height=80 width=800 alt=\"Ad: Relocating Interstellar Space Exiles\"></a></h3>");}
else if (picnum1==12) {document.write("<h3><a href=\"error.html\" title=\"Member of the Good Sex for Mutants Dating League\"><img src=\"service\/dating.png\" height=80 width=800 alt=\"Ad: Member of the Good Sex for Mutants Dating League\"></a></h3>");}
}

function PrintSay() {
saynum1=Math.floor(Math.random()*17)+1;
if (saynum1==1) {document.write("<h3>All Your Babes Are Belong To Us.</h3>");}
else if (saynum1==2) {document.write("<h3>We're about as pointless as takeout from Hooters.</h3>");}
else if (saynum1==3) {document.write("<h3>We're not politically incorrect, we're socially insensitive.</h3>");}
else if (saynum1==4) {document.write("<h3>What do you get if you multiply six by nine?</h3>");}
else if (saynum1==5) {document.write("<h3>Entropy and irony live together in perfect harmony.</h3>");}
else if (saynum1==6) {document.write("<h3>It's no fun being an illegal alien.</h3>");}
else if (saynum1==7) {document.write("<h3>The truth is in here.</h3>");}
else if (saynum1==8) {document.write("<h3>The truth is in our pants.</h3>");}
else if (saynum1==9) {document.write("<h3>If we said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against us?</h3>");}
else if (saynum1==10) {document.write("<h3>Close Encounters of the Consensual Kind.</h3>");}
else if (saynum1==11) {document.write("<h3>No matter where you go, there you are.</h3>");}
else if (saynum1==12) {document.write("<h3>When you take that bus, you get there.</h3>");}
else if (saynum1==13) {document.write("<h3>Stupidest thing you've seen since Greedo shot first.</h3>");}
else if (saynum1==14) {document.write("<h3>Mars isn't the only planet that needs women.</h3>");}
else if (saynum1==15) {document.write("<h3>Hey, babe. Let's do launch sometime.</h3>");}
else if (saynum1==16) {document.write("<h3>It's a part of our rock and roll fantasy/science fiction.</h3>");}
else if (saynum1==17) {document.write("<h3>Here to serve man . . . and woman . . . and dessert.</h3>");}
}


// end.