![[Image: Pool Cleaners From Distant Planets]](images/masthead.png)
Do you want to talk to a real live Pool Cleaner from a Distant Planet? Do you think you can take us all the way to the edge of the galaxy and back? Whether you want to have hot, stimulating one-on-one conversations with one of our tasty aliens, or if you think you can take on the whole crew, here's the place for you.
Or maybe that isn't your thing. We do that wisdom of the universe thing, too. Yeah, yeah, answers to all of mankind's problems. But would it kill you to tell us what you're wearing?
You Don't Have to Lurk Any More
"Come out of the cupboard, you boys and girls"
- - the Clash, "London Calling"
We really do want to hear from you, but we understand that some of you are shy. So we've lifted a restriction on the Pool Cleaner Message Board. From now on, the "Critique a Pool Cleaner" section no longer requires registration to use; you can post as a guest using any name you want, any time you want.
We realize this might encourage some unwanted posts -- advertisements and the like -- but we're willing to take that chance, just so we can make it even easier for our readers to get in touch with us. And if you decide you like it and want to post on the other sections of the board, remember that registration is free.
Coming to a radio near you
Big news! The Pool Cleaners from Distant Planets are going to be on the radio!
This Monday, April 17, we'll be in the KQMT studio with Jake Schroeder of Opie Gone Bad for his Mountain Homegrown Show. We'll be talking about local music and playing some CDs from our favorite Denver bands. The show will be recorded early in the evening and played that night between 10PM and midnight (Mountain time, of course).
If you're in the area, just tune in to 99.5 on your radio. If you're somewhere else, go to http://www.995themountain.com and click on the "Mountain Stream" button. Or, if you can't tune in during the show, you can go to http://www.995themountain.com/music/podcast/index.php for info about the Mountain Homegrown Podcast. You can also visit http://www.995themountain.com/music/homegrown/index.php for other general information about the show.
We're really excited about this and we hope you'll find a way to listen.
MERCHANDISING! MERCHANDISING!
PCfDP Store Open For Business
We're pleased to announce to all of our friends here on Earth that you can now do something we've been promising for a long time: you can actually buy Pool Cleaners from Distant Planets stuff of your own. We just opened up our store at Cafe Press, and we'll be adding new products and designs whenever we can. If you have a particular design or product in mind, let us know, and we'll do our best to accommodate you. Any profits we make off of this will be going towards website maintenance costs and other expenses, so it's to our benefit to keep you satisfied.
A BEATING THAT ACTUALLY IMPROVED MORALE
The Pool Cleaners from Distant Planets have appeared in print! We were the subject of the December 15-21 edition of "The Beatdown" by Dave Herrera, editor of Backbeat (the music section) in Westword.
He said some nice things about us, so naturally, we're pleased. So much so that we can overlook our disappointment. What could possibly disappoint us about such coverage? The fact that the normally sharp-minded Mr. Herrera chose to believe the comforting fiction that we're humans pretending to be aliens, that's what. For whatever reason, he just wasn't ready to accept the truth that it's the other way around.
Still, we can't complain too much. It's good to be noticed, and we hope that that, in turn, this allows us to help Denver's many talented musicians get noticed. We also hope this helps us entertain people in our own way. Oh, and a few collaborators in advancing our plans of global conquest would be nice, too.
Anyway, if you're here as a result of that article, welcome! Pull up a web connection, get comfy, and explore all you like. We're always happy to have visitors, terrestrial or otherwise.
SECOND YEAR HAS FINISHED WITH SUCCESS!
As you may have noticed from our keen graphic, we have managed to complete a second year of interstellar weirdness here at pcfdp.com. In that time, we've made many new friends, expanded our readership and created our own message board.
With that in mind, the Pool Cleaners from Distant Planets wanted to take a little time out of our extremely busy schedules to thank each and every one of you for visiting our site. Except for you, Byron of Galveston, TX. Not until you apologize for putting that door ding in Sh'wn's car while visiting Denver. Don't think we didn't notice.
As for the rest of you, thanks for reading!
Jeph, Myk, Rhaab, Sh'wn, Zscaeiynn
MISSING SIXTH POOL CLEANER FOUND AGAIN!
The Pool Cleaners from Distant Planets are happy to announce that we've located our fellow space traveler, who parted ways with us shortly after we arrived here on Earth. Pictured here is Ssut-klyph, the former Pool Cleaner Yellow, who has obviously made some new friends for himself in Japan, despite the extremely dated and completely unfashionable look of his encounter suit. Way to go with the Earth women, Ssut-klyph!
Our regular readers may be wondering what this means for the PCfDP website, and how things will change around here now that we've found our old friend. The good news is that they won't be changing at all! Sure, we've tracked him down again, but all that means is that we'll be able to keep an eye on him and make sure he behaves. It's not like we're going to invite him to join us again or anything like that; like many of the other people we hung out with in our early history, he's actually kind of a tool.
We just thought you might like to know, that's all.
Year in Review
We've never understood why anyone doing "year in review" specials or lists does them before the year actually, you know, ends. So when we decided to do our own look back at 2004, we decided to do it now that 2005 has started. And we're not just looking back, we're giving out awards. If you're wondering how we came to the conclusions below and/or made the choices we did, you can rest assured it wasn't completely arbitrary. We gave ourselves some guidelines:
The Pool Cleaner awards are decided by the five Pool Cleaners from Distant Planets. To be eligible, you must be regarded as a local band in Denver/Colorado and we must have seen/heard your contribution to the category in which you are nominated between the dates of 1/1/04 and 12/31/04. In other words, if we didn't hear your 2004 album between those dates, you can't be nominated for best 2004 album. Voting is biased because all voting is biased. Our decisions are final. There will be no appeals. At least you can take solace that there was no bribery involved because no one outside of PCfDP.com knew these existed until after we were done. Winners will receive a snazzy certificate acknowledging their accomplishment.
With that in mind, the Pool Cleaners from Distant Planets spent part of New Year's Eve reviewing the year that was and are proud to present our awards for 2004.
Best CD Released in 2004:
Winner:Segundo by The Railbenders
This vote was close. It was a good year for CDs from veterans like Wendy Woo and Chris Daniels & the Kings, and it gave us the best CD to date from The Indulgers. We also had an outstanding freshman release from Starfuzz and quality recordings from Rachel's Playpen and Plastic Parachute. Many were deserving, but when the ballots were cast, the second effort from Denver's best Country band took home the award.
Best Bar/Club to See a Show:
Winner:Brendan's Pub
Though we have no shortage of great pubs and clubs to catch a show (D-Note, Benders Tavern and more), we were all in agreement that Brendan's was our favorite. Great sound, great service and great bands made Brendan's the place to go in Downtown Denver, even if not enough people noticed. 2004's Brendan's highlights included appearances by The Indulgers (and a Pool Cleaner marriage proposal), Opie Gone Bad bringing in the funk at a spectacular level, Soul School holding class and an epic Nina Storey and Wendy Woo show in November. Here's hoping Kevin can pull off a trick and keep it open in 2005.
Best Theater to see a show:
Winner:The Gothic
We've seen shows at the Fox, the Boulder Theater and the nicely remodeled Oriental this year. But when it comes down to it, The Gothic reigns supreme. The long side balconies are our favorite place to be during shows. Great sound, great atmosphere and there really aren't bad seats in the house. Highlight shows included Rockers for Kids, Great Big Sea and Blue Oyster Cult.
Best venue that opened its doors to local music:
Winner:Benders Tavern
The fine owners of Benders are in process of fulfilling the promise this venue shows. It's really a neighborhood place and it has a feel that all are welcome. They have some of the best house music in the Denver area and they bring in some great bands like The Bad Directions, Rachel's Playpen and The Railbenders. We also need to make a mention of the Royal Hilltop in Aurora for Acoustic Tuesdays.
Best Mural on the side of a Music Venue:
Winner: Tommy Nahulu for Johnny Cash at Bender's
Okay, we just wanted to give Tommy an award because he's such a cool dude.
Best Live Band:
Winner: Opie Gone Bad
Once again, this was a close vote as there is no shortage of talented live bands in the city. We had a list of 13 nominees of the bands we saw this year. But when it came down to the vote, Opie Gone Bad walked away with it. From their outstanding three-set nights at Brendan's to a very special August night in Lakewood where Windall Armour and Randy Chavez entered that very special musical zone trading solos, the reasons this band has been around this long remain obvious.
We wouldn't be the Pool Cleaners if we didn't highlight the weak end of the herd. No snazzy certificates for the bad and ugly, just our derision. With that in mind, the lowlights of 2004.
Worst CD Released in 2004:
Loser:Mum's Cowboy self-titled
This wasn't that hard as we didn't hear many bad CDs. This 5 song live disaster stood out for its repetitive themes and lack of creativity.
Worst Live Music Venue:
Loser:The Ritz
There is really no reason this place should bother with live music. It's a meat market dressed up as a diner. Bad acoustics, horrible house music, half the seats facing away from the stage and a built-in crowd that couldn't care less about live bands made this the worst choice.
Worst City for Live Music:
Loser: Ft. Collins
We've been to Denver, Boulder, Greeley, Colorado Springs, Arvada and Ft. Collins. No city has shown such a pattern of indifference to live entertainment. From poorly managed venues to cutting a Young Dubliners set short by a half hour to charging to get into their "taste of" festival, the inherent lameness of this college town's music scene made it a no-brainer for worst city. But take heart, Ft. Collins, you won't be voted worst next year because we aren't coming back.
Worst Live Band:
Loser:Chicago Typewriter
We really thought Semi-Freak had this one until a late candidate showed up in December. Rarely have we seen a band do this much wrong. Not facing the audience while not facing each other either, continuously malfunctioning wardrobe and silly looking hats were just the tip of the iceberg for how messed up this band was.
And that's 2004 through the eyes of the Pool Cleaners. Congratulations to the winners!
YOU DIDN'T ASSIMILATE US, WE INFILTRATED YOU
The Pool Cleaners from Distant Planets are pleased to announce that we've completed our biggest creative project to date: the fabrication of fully established Earth identities for ourselves!
As you might imagine, this wasn't easy. There are all sorts of documents to duplicate, records to fake, and bits of "evidence" to plant. After all, we didn't want to go about this in any kind of half-assed fashion. Survival on Earth means you have to be more than just "Mr. Carpenter, the new gentleman at the boarding house" or "that guy Mindy found by the side of the road outside Boulder".
For starters, there's this whole silly issue of nationality and citizenship that seems to bother everyone so much. Since we landed more or less in the middle of the United States, we all have a degree of fondness for it despite certain flaws, and we were thinking of convenience in some areas, we decided to make ourselves US citizens. The largest part of this process, the key to all the other doors, so to speak, is getting something called a Social Security number. This seemed to be very important to have, no matter how asocial or insecure we felt at any given time.
After some additional research, we concluded that as big as this was, it couldn't be our first step. At least one of the digits is assigned based on what part of the country you're from, and there were some other weird factors as well. It was clear we were going to need our background stories first. And this meant finding suitable Earthly origins.
Anybody can just say they're from somewhere or related to somebody, but it takes real skill to pull off what we did. First, we had our genetic codes "translated" into human DNA as best as we could. Then we each found likely genetic matches for ourselves. After that, it was time for memory modifications. (Please note that no humans were harmed during this process. Despite what you may have heard, anal probes are NOT a prerequisite to altering memories.) In other words, we don't just have documents saying we were born at Time X on Date Y in Hospital Z, we have people who'll swear to it. There are now five wonderful Earth women of appropriate ages and appearances who will identify themselves as our mothers (if reluctantly at times), and each will happily tell you how long she was in labor and how strange her son was when he was growing up.
After that, the rest was a snap. We were able to use our new families to fill in a lot of the blanks in our histories, and we just made up the rest as we went along. Here's a little bit about who we're pretending to be:
Jeph Antilles, now known as Jeff Crouch, has decided to put his smuggling days behind him. It's harder to do on Earth, it's not as profitable, and he worries that Miami Vice may still heavily influence the dress code in the business. His new focus is on being an artist, although he still finds time for fun; he's part of the local science fiction fan community, and laughs for hours and hours after every club meeting.
Myk-El has gone the route that's typical of his family and adopted the mild-mannered guise of Michael Miller. He loves Colorado so much that his new records identify him as a native of the state, but he still enjoys travelling. Strangely, he seems to particularly enjoy the primitive wheeled vehicles of this planet, and has been known to "drive" even when other options present themselves.
Rhaab has taken the Earth name of Rob Salyers. By now, he's mostly over the fact that many people can't pronounce his last name, although it still irritates him a little bit, because it's much easier than his given last name of Ph'nglui-mglw'nafh-cthulhu-r'lyeh-wgah'nagl-fhtagn. His new human identity info shows him as being born in Arkansas, because "That's the last place anyone would expect."
Sh'wn now owns various documents that identify him as Shawn Planchon, and will probably need to use some of them to get away with marrying an Earth woman in the near future. The Rylosian unconditional love of Earth culture has made him quite a collector of bad movies, strange hats, and assorted knick-knacks of questionable taste.
Zscaieynn, the "quiet Pool Cleaner", now answers to the name of Shane Crabtree when he answers at all. He's a talented photographer, and finds the limitation of working in only two dimensions to be an interesting challenge rather than a setback. But even if he were to use some advanced technology from home, his camera would be just a camera, and wouldn't have any sort of communications device built into it.
So if you see these names anywhere else, you know who we really are. If you want any opinions we haven't already given, or would like to make use of our considerable skills out in the "real world", you know how to ask for us. On this site, though, you may never see those names again. The Pool Cleaners from Distant Planets will only ever lie about our identities and origins, and then only out of necessity. Everything else is true.
The truth isn't just out there, it's also in here. Specifically, the truth is in our pants, and we think you can handle the truth.
AFTER THE FACT, BUT STILL WORTH MENTIONING
If you're not in the habit of visiting our Completed Projects page, you have no idea what fun we've had making our completely unauthorized music videos. If you do visit that page, then there are still some things you don't know that you're about to learn.
To begin with, we have a totally different page we'd like you to visit; this will give you links to music video playlist and the awards at NDK 2004. If you check out the playlist, you'll see that we had the honor of both opening and closing the show this year, and we're still really happy about that fact. And if you check the awards page, you'll see something entirely new. That's right, the Pool Cleaners gave an award.
Later on, we'll put together a semi-formal description of what it takes to win a Golden Pool Cleaner award, and probably link it off the Projects page. Roughly speaking, though, it's any video other than one of our own that makes us laugh, uses music well, and is just generally done nicely. The very first winner was Patrick McRae, for his truly impressive interpretation of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody". As Rhaab said when he gave the award, it takes a lot of gall to even attempt such a project, and that alone should be recognized. But Mr. McRae pulled it off, matching action to lyrics with humor, good timing, and obvious reverence for both the music and the anime that provided the source footage. That's not something that just anyone can do, let alone do as well as he did. It's no surprise at all that he also ended up with the Audience Favorite award.
Finally, a few thanks to some deserving people. Huge, ultra-sincere, mega-thanks to the approximately 50 folks (other than us) who voted for "Channel Surfing" as their favorite video. Words fail us when we try to describe how much that means to us. Also, thanks of the "we're really not kidding about this" variety go to the video staff for doing their best to keep us entertained with shadow puppets and general improvised goofiness when the sound broke down. More thanks for putting up with the less civilized members of the audience and their idiotic chants of "Play! Play!" during that technical difficulty.
The most gratitude, of course, goes to Wynette Hoffman, for being in charge of the whole music video portion of NDK, for giving us feedback, for giving all the music video creators seats up front, for indulging us when we said we wanted to give out an award, and everything else she did. Okay, maybe not everything; after all, she did let Rhaab get his hands on a microphone in front of a captive audience, but we're willing to forgive her for that. (Incidentally, did you know that she's also an author?) We'd also like to thank her husband, John Cook, for many of the same reasons. Wynette and John are two very cool people who do more at NDK than most people realize, and we're not just saying this because they put us on the Honorable Mention list.
THE FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF OUR WEBSITE:
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO READ IT, BUT YOU DID...
...and we thank you. The Pool Cleaners from Distant Planets website has been in operation for an entire Earth year now, and we've had a great time doing it. We have to; otherwise it wouldn't exist. Make no mistake; the PCfDP online presence has always been, first and foremost, about amusing ourselves. Two things set us apart from the typical internet temple of self-indulgence, though: the first is that we admit it, the second is that we get almost as big a kick out of it when we hear that other people enjoy it, too.
If you weren't here, reading this now, we'd probably still be doing it, cranking out opinions and humor like some sort of garage band editorial page. It means a lot to us that you are here, though. We're thrilled to have found an audience outside ourselves, and take pride in the fact that we have regular readers despite never dumbing down our material. (There's a certain goofiness factor, sure, but that's not the same as building ramps to make it Dimwit-Accessible.) As Joel Hodgson once said about his creation, Mystery Science Theater 3000, "We never say, 'Who's going to get this?' We always say, 'The right people will get this.'"
Rather than just general gratitude, though, we've got a few paragraphs of specifics. Thank you to everyone who stops by on a regular basis, even if it's every month or so. Thanks to everyone who ever recommended the site to someone else. Thanks to anyone who ever said anything nice to us or about us on a message board. Thank you to anyone who ever took the time to look at our links page. Thanks to all the folks who told us in person that they liked what we were doing, or thought something was funny, or that they agreed with an opinion piece. Thanks to the handful of people who have sent us e-mail, even the guy who sent us a hate letter. (After all, he provided a LOT of amusement to us and our readers.)
Huge thanks to anyone who ever trusted us enough to check out a band or a venue just based on our say-so. Truckloads of appreciation to all the musicians who have put on shows we've enjoyed, especially the ones that have put us on guest lists, given us free tickets, and/or given us free CDs. Colossal thanks to TC and Higher Listening for giving us exposure, and for opening the door for us to be not just "because we feel like it" music reviewers, but music journalists who can help the local scene. Thanks as well to the music junkies running Freak Radio for giving us additional exposure.
Lots of gratitude to Kevin of Brendan's Pub for running such a fine place and inviting us to the anniversary party; be sure to let your staff know we appreciate them as well. That goes double for the ultra-cool Tommy Nahulu, who got us backstage at Brendan's to hang out with Nina Storey. We'd also like to thank the crew at the D Note for being so kind to us. We're extremely grateful to the judges of the NDK music video competition, and those of our fellow participants we've met in person, for encouraging our creative efforts and providing feedback. Finally, another thank you to the wonderful people--you know who you are--who have joined our mailing list.
What's in store for the next year? More of the same, really. Once NDK 2004 is over (and maybe even while it's still going on), we'll tell you all about this year's extremely hush-hush video project, plus we'll start putting up new video clips to download. (While we're on the subject, we've already begun discussing what to do for next year.) We'll also continue posting our opinions and thoughts on whatever catches our attention, as well as issuing the edicts that we'll all live by once the Pool Cleaners from Distant Planets take over the Earth. We'll also continue paying a lot of attention to the Denver music scene, and we hope to continue working with Higher Listening as we do so. Most importantly, we want to keep having fun, and we hope you'll do the same.
We'd like to close with one last bit of gratitude to everyone reading this. It hasn't always been easy, living as aliens on Earth. After all, it's no fun being an illegal alien. Fitting in can be just as hard, if not harder, than what you've seen in movies and sitcoms. Fortunately, the internet has made great strides in promoting acceptance of the bizarre, and our readers haven't hesitated to make us feel welcome in our true identities. So we want to thank you for letting us be ourselves again.
Scott Davies, drummer for Opie Gone Bad, Soul School and general good guy, recently asked musicians on the Denver message board for some assistance for a good cause. He posted the following:
The Spot is a drop-in inner city youth outreach center located downtown. It is a neutral site and a safe haven for inner city kids.
Our band is donating a full compliment of band gear to this facility.
My request to you is would you be able to help out by donating other accessories as spares such as:
1. Drumsticks
2. A stickbag
3. Any 1/4" cables
4. Guitar and Bass Strings
5. a tuner
6. hand percussion instruments
None of this stuff has to be new.
Sadly, we have none of the above, but we do seem to have a few musicians drifting by our site, so we thought we'd pass this along. If any of you fine readers have any of the above, please contact Scott at drumnsmile@aol.com.
Please help if you can, because we all know a lot of the above is going to wear out (particularly the sticks and strings). Thanks from the Pool Cleaners!
ARE YOU ADEQUATELY PREPARED TO ROCK?
(updated August 20, 2004)
Hey there, video fans! You'll be happy to know that the Pool Cleaners are still channeling our inner A/V geeks. As these words are being written, we're about 98-99% finished with our primary project for this year's NDK. (See Completed Projects for details on what we've done in the past.) What does that mean? Well, it means we've put together everything except for a voice-over at the beginning to set the tone of the video. The audio equipment has been pretty stubborn, but we've got a recording we can work with, and we might even be able to do a better one depending on a last-minute microphone swap.
We're really happy with how this one came out. As we said before, both hardware and software were upgraded (primarily through Myk-El's efforts) and the results are not only noticeable, but possibly even spectacular. As for the video itself, we really think we're breaking new ground with the overall concept. Yes, it's still funny. Yes, it's the raunchiest thing we've done since "Could We Please Have Sex?" No, we haven't fallen prey to feelings of pretentious artsy-ness. But we think it's different enough to make people stand up and take notice. So much so that we want to submit it to other anime conventions. Sure, NDK is near the end of the usual fancon season, but that just means we'll have plenty of prep time for next year's gatherings.
As before, we'll keep you updated as soon as we have anything more to say. We'll let you know as soon as we have confirmation that our video will be shown to an unsuspecting NDK audience. The next info after that will probably show up after the convention in the Completed Projects section.
I Read the News Today, Oh Boy
How often is it published? No more often than once a week. Probably less often since we're lazy and don't have something every week.
Why should you bother? Information about upcoming projects, articles, opinion pieces, more cheap jokes at the expense of the Pool Cleaners than ever before plus a pathetic plea for readers to send in more "Ask a Pool Cleaner" questions in every issue!
The Pool Cleaners from Distant Planets are not interested in selling you something, or having anyone else try to sell you something. Your e-mail address will not be given to anyone or anything, but it may be mocked if you've chosen a goofy net-name. If you get any spam, it's not because of us. If we EVER give, sell, or rent your personal information to anyone else, you have our solemn promise that you can dip us all in hydrochloric acid to the music of Paul Revere and the Raiders.
ARE YOU ADEQUATELY PREPARED TO ROCK?
(updated June 24, 2004)
Hey there, video fans! You'll be happy to know that the Pool Cleaners are still channeling our inner A/V geeks. We've been making some excellent progress on our first music video project for this year's NDK. (See Completed Projects for details on what we've done in the past.)
This year, we're operating with new hardware and software, and the results so far have just been amazing. Our blurry, jumpy videos are a thing of the past! Now we have the tech to match our twisted vision. The audio editing is complete, and we're coming along nicely with our video editing. We'd probably be making even more progress if not for the fact that we've also been amassing a sizeable library of captured footage for use in this and other projects. As for the main project itself, we don't want to give anything away, so we're not going to tell you any more than this: we promise it's like nothing you've ever seen before.
We're not sure how long it'll take to wrap up the main project--keep in mind that unlike some of the other folks who make these videos, we actually have lives. Plus we have our responsibility to
Again, we'll keep you updated as soon as we have anything more to say.
GETTING SERIOUSLY FREAKY
Take a look at the good news we got recently!
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From: Desire @ Freak Radio
To:
Subject: Freak of the Week nomination
Someone recently nominated your web site to be our next "Freak of the Week". I, of course, went to your site immediately and started laughing my ass off. I think you guys would be a great "Freak of the Week", or Freaks as it would be.
With winning the "Freak of the Week" title, you receive one year of free domain registration and 1 free month of space with One Nation Web hosting (
When you visit our site you will see we are an online radio station. We have had about 142,000 hits on our site and this will get your site some excellent exposure. Please feel free to look around our site and get back to me.
If you would like to be our next "Freak of the Week" please contact me.
Desire
Manager & DJ
P.S. Unfortunately I cannot offer you sex at this point. Sorry.
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How could we say no? Actually, what we said was a lot longer than that:
- - - - -
Greetings, Earthling!
While we're pleased you enjoyed our site so much, we're quite concerned about the state of your buttocks and hope you are able to get them quickly and painlessly re-attached. We would offer to help you with this, but even the advanced medical techniques available to us have no treatment for this unanticipated condition.
We're proud of our status as freaks, so naturally we're honored to be considered Freaks of the Week. This says to us that we're not just freaks, but sufficiently freaky to attract the likes of Rick James. You have no idea what this means to us.
Rest assured that your proud primate mascot (and his link) will have a place of honor on our main page, provided he doesn't fling his waste at our own mascot. (Should this happen, we may find ourselves following the advice of Peter Gabriel, just so you know.) In addition, we'll be adding you to the Music section of our links page.
It's no problem at all for us to put together a page for your site and save you the trouble. Let us know if you have any guidelines, although we'll probably keep it simple with just text and our logo graphic. We look forward to exposing ourselves to as many Earth people as possible.
Finally, while we're disappointed that this offer doesn't include sex, it's understandable given your current affliction. Please think of us when your ass is back on.
Jeph, Myk, Rhaab, Sh'wn, and Zscaieynn
Pool Cleaners from Distant Planets
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Now you know why we have a monkey on our main page. Would you like to click on the monkey? Touch him, love him! Click the monkey on the left-hand side, (I said) click the monkey on the left-hand side....